Talk:One Blue: Treasure 1/@comment-4080028-20131209040723
Huh, very interesting first chapter, Z bro. I rather like that you tried to do something different and have Knave's crew already formed before the start of the story. This is also a pretty cool way to see someone recruit a crew member, let alone their doctor. Also surprised by how moderately paced this was for a first chapter. I normally see first chapters, including my own, move at a slower, more casual pace, in order to help readers get acclamated to the story and its characters. The opening song you chose, I Am a Hero, was a great choice. :) I thought it fitted perfectly for a first arc to a One Piece based fan story. Though where it was placed felt rather odd to me. Felt more like you were trying to be artsy with your approach than straightforward. Not necessarily a bad thing either way; it just took me by surprise is all. Probably has to do with the fact that from the looks of things, this may (or may not) be treated more as an anime episode rather than a manga chapter, which is how I try to write One Dream's chapters. In any case, the song was awesome, though I'm not comfortable with where it was placed. If it were me, I would have probably added it at the very start, due to preference. When Knave mentioned he came with his crew, and he said "we (my crew and I,)'" I thought the parenthesis were pretty unecessary. I thought he could just as easily say "'we" and imply it was him and his crew without the (my crew and I) part being added. Also, it seems there were a few typos scattered throughout the chapter. You may want to proofread at your leisure and fix some of them when you get the chance. The characters themselves seemed enjoyable. I really like Knave right now, since the whole 'eat your way out of handcuffs' thing amused me greatly, and I liked that he actually had planned this whole situation from the start, just to meet Stormy. Not exactly sure what to say about Stormy though, since the chapter felt more focused on Knave than her. She seems to be an alright gal so far, though. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of her character later on. The action was pretty fun too. Oh, and the way you formally introduced Knave reminded me of how I introduced Chris in One Dream: Voyage 2 and Spike in One Dream: Voyage 8. I liked that. Speaking of similarities, I liked how you unveiled the Raiu Raiu no Mi. Reminded me exactly of how I revealed the Nendo Nendo no Mi in One Dream, by having that pirate captain cleave Chris in half, only for him to regenerate and kick the guy's ass in retaliation. Well, as far as a first chapter goes, this started off with flying colors. Nicely done, Z bro. :) Good luck with the rest of One Blue.